September 16-23rd is officially Bisexual Awareness Week (#BiWeek)!!! ššš
Itās totally ok if you didnāt know about Bisexual Awareness Week already. For all of the progress queer people have made over the past few decades, bisexuality still tends to get left on the back-burner when it comes to visibility and support. This is despite the fact that Bi+ people remain one of the largest parts of the community, with that only continuing to grow. Since representation matters, I hope that my story can help nudge us all in the right direction.
That was the day I officially came out to myself as bisexual. I know the exact date because I've always been an avid journaler. According to that entry, I simply reviewed the facts and concluded: yep, 100% bi. It was just one of those things that suddenly made perfect senseālike why my crushes had ping-ponged all over the place since 1st Grade.
Luckily, I wasnāt burdened by any homophobic religious dogma, so being bi actually felt pretty cool. It also helped that I had recently found out that my brotherās then-girlfriend was also bisexual. As I said, representation matters.
Almost 30 years later, people are still genuinely surprised to hear that Iām not gay. As soon as I say the words āmy husbandā I see the look of recognition, and I immediately think, I know you mean well, but you actually donāt quite get the whole picture. One of the quirks of being the B in LGBTQIA+ is that we often have to ācome outā multiple times to the same people, and coming out is never a low-cost production.
Thereās a lot of internal dialogue that comes along with deciding whether or not to have that conversation. It goes like this: do I really want to extend a 5-second exchange at a party into a 30-minute discussion? This person might get āstraightā, āgayā, and ālesbianā but what about āneitherā? Will this come off like flirting? What if they think itās gross like Iām admitting that I have pet spiders or something?
Itās generally easier to chicken out and sprinkle obtuse hints that no one notices because, duh, I have a husbandāthe case is closed as far as theyāre concerned. But hey, look on the bright side, at least no one thinks Iām straight (whew!!), and why rock the boat? My husband and close friends understand, and maybe itās no one elseās business. Itās no big deal, right?
Without really noticing years can pass in a friendship without mention of the fact that Iām bisexual, and it often feels like people donāt really know me. How can they when they donāt know about one of the coolest and most interesting parts of me? I want my friends to understand how being bi shapes my approach and understanding of the world and fuels my fascination with the dynamics of love, relationships, gender, and feminist theory. I want them to know why thereās so much about me that really doesnāt āfitā in clean, precise categories (and thankfully never will).
Although it is encouraging how fluidity and ambiguity are now recognized and embraced with increasing frequency. More people are coming around to the understanding that gender identity/expression, love, desire, relationships, and more don't really have scripts and that weāre free to figure them out as we go. Itās true that itās a lot of work to sew, build, and tailor each aspect of our lives, but itās definitely worth it in the long run!
Happy Bisexual Awareness Week, everyone! And be happy, intentional, and intentionally happy! š³ļøāššššš³ļøāš